Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
