so let's talk penis.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
