be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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