She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize