this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
