I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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