We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
