So drunk its hurt
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
