***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
