I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
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Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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