white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
