Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize