grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
COCAINE IS GR8
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
