If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
