dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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