I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
