trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
