...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
