plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
