My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
