exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
