I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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