i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
