Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
