conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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