I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize