winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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