people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
