This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
