I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
