don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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