apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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