wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
God I need to hump something, right now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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