Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We have so much sex to catch up on
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
