when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
