Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
