ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
