the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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