cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Someone signed my nipple.
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