When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
