They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
