Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
