omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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