Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
