i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
