I just threw up on my dentist
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
