I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I did not marry a roomba.
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