Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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