I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
