So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
