Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
