Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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