so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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