She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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