I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
