i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
