I'm really into asian looking animals
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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