he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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