He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
