he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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