like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
