he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
