Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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