I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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