We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
