I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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