dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
