Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
