mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
