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Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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