this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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