My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
