and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
