First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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