i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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