I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
