So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
