Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pants are for mortals
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
