You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
