Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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