all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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