we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
