But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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