i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
