He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
