I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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