Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..

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  (207): It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted.. http://tfl.nu/j3e7
  Replies (57) Good night (1100) Bad night (16165)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.

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  (305): absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me. http://tfl.nu/yste
  Replies (8) Good night (892) Bad night (3857)
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  (760): View more from California

  You did not just play the dead husband card again.

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  (760): You did not just play the dead husband card again. http://tfl.nu/xl50
  Replies (20) Good night (1162) Bad night (5461)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

  (713): View more from Texas

  When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

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  (979): You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands (713): When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things http://tfl.nu/2j2p
  Replies (28) Good night (5550) Bad night (996)
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  (626): View more from California

  he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??

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  (626): he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that?? http://tfl.nu/9sps
  Replies (26) Good night (1525) Bad night (5955)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.

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  (817): Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was. http://tfl.nu/0op6
  Replies (6) Good night (1012) Bad night (3941)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively

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  (845): you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively http://tfl.nu/v9v6
  Replies (1) Good night (1919) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.

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  (716): When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex. http://tfl.nu/mu23
  Replies (14) Good night (3890) Bad night (1114)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.

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  (859): I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there. http://tfl.nu/fp94
  Replies (6) Good night (2124) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.

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  (616): Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death. http://tfl.nu/ogc4
  Replies (9) Good night (2030) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...

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  (605): I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD... http://tfl.nu/4wif
  Replies (0) Good night (816) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.

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  (202): He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left. http://tfl.nu/yd2u
  Replies (8) Good night (397) Bad night (1314)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Send help, water and tortillas.

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  (512): Send help, water and tortillas. http://tfl.nu/ih4z
  Replies (0) Good night (582) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered

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  (303): Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered http://tfl.nu/0k0t
  Replies (2) Good night (593) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (873): View more from

  I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.

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  (873): I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning. http://tfl.nu/7r93
  Replies (5) Good night (195) Bad night (529)

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