It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?