im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
