Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?