Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
