Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let's get the cat blown out
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button