2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one