Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.