this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Randomize
