No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
