I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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