apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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