So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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