dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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