Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
